So it’s another BIG New Years Eve at the Giddy’s! Chrissy’s online searching for old boyfriends on facebook, I’m on the couch watching an I Love Lucy marathon when suddenly a Jimmy Dean Sausage commercial comes on the TV (I was watching basic cable). Freaky enough, there’s a guy that looks like a piece of dryer lint, a Fruit of The Loom reject talking to the Raisin Bran sun for some reason.

Then the new Jimmy Dean slogan appears at the bottom of the screen at the end…”Shine On”

Immediately I heard Pink Floyd’s Shine on You Crazy Diamond in my head. Only, no diamonds…just sausages. Imagine that, a classic self-indulgent stoner anthem forever marred through the commercialization of ground pork and beef by-products, however tasty they may be.

“Shine On You Crazy Sausage (I-V)”

Remember when you were young, not yet strips of bacon.
Shine on you crazy sausage.
Now there’s a look in your eyes, like piggy’s in a blanket.
Shine on you crazy sausage.
You were caught on the crossfire of pork chops and spiced ham,
Served with mayonaise.
Come on you target for Sausage McMuffins,
Come on you fat swine, you porker, you wild boar, and shine!
You reached for the apple too soon, you cried in the sty.
Shine on you crazy sausage.
Threatened by slaughter houses, you’re the other white meat.
Shine on you crazy sausage.
Well you wore out your welcome with Orthodox Jews,
You’re the primary ingredient of head cheese.
Come on you big hog, you eater of slop,
Come on you porker, you pork loin, you gluttonous swine, and shine!

Next year, we’re going OUT for New Years Eve!