Just wanted to come out and state – that this website has made the decision to not devote any space to the recent horrific revelations by Mackenzie Phillips, stating that she engaged in incestuous relations with her father. Bad enough he introduced her to heroin, but shit, the rest is simply out of my realm of understanding – and frankly too fucking sick for me to even joke about.The way I see it, not that anyone cares, is that she’s trying to sell a book, John Phillips is dead and buried since 2001, so without a rebuttal, we’ll never actually know the true story. Then let’s just let it pass.

I think it’s more important that we spend this time talking about her TV sister Valerie Bertinelli.  

Ya know she’s been doing the Jenny Craig thing – and had her bikini photo shoot a few months ago. She sure made the old chubby spokes-celebrity Kirstie Allie look like a mound of flabby pancakes in comparison! Valerie looked terrific – makes you want to shout loudly “You go girl”. You should do the shouting because every time I shout it Chrissy smacks me upside my white head with a shoe. What the fuck is it with black women and shoes?

Many years ago – I had a teenage boy “thing” for Valerie. Guess it was a ‘70’s sort of thing. Most boys were busy ogling Farrah, Jacqueline, Linda or Fred Travalena – me, I liked Valerie. Yup, I thought old Schnieder was the luckiest guy on TV – getting to barge in on the girls while they were showering to fix the pipes. In my teenage imagination, even then I knew that Mackenzie was probably holed up in a closet somewhere strung out on smack or something, leaving Valerie alone to be chased around the apartment wearing nothing but a towel.

Then a few years later she goes and hooks up with guitar hero Eddie Van Halen. How cool is that? Turns out though as time goes on, we all age, learn Eddie is a drop dead drunk and Valerie develops an unnatural fancy for Twinkies and Ho Ho’s.

Like the strong minded women she is – she drops Eddie like a Led Balloon and gives up the sweets. Then she replaces the ever expanding Kirstie as the Jenny Craig spokesperson, next thing you know she’s dropped several dress sizes and is once again fabulous!

For a cougar.

Bonnie Franklin always bugged me – I hated that stupid 70’s bob haircut. I always get her confused with Blair Brown who’s on that Fox show Fringe now – which is pretty cool. Her haircut sucks too.