FRIDAY, JUNE 17, 2011
AMAZING
Ever capture a moment of realization?
Glanced quickly out of the bedroom window early this evening. The view overlooks the front yard with a nice catch of the horizon as it bleeds into the dusk. The sky was that mix of pending storm with some dark blue patches between the ominous clouds and burning sunset blazing the clouds an odd shade of orange and gray.
Then I noticed the big fucking For Sale sign slammed into the lawn.
That memorable moment now spoiled eternally. I turned slowly and headed out of the room. Slowly because I was feeling a bit sore and tired. Old actually.
As I shuffled wearily into the hall I glanced to my left and saw a rather large empty room. That moment is the one that actually burned itself into my skull.
The room was empty.
Earlier in the day young Junior Miss Giddy had moved out, into her first new place. I’d spent a chunk of the day hauling boxes and assorted sundries up and down stairs helping to advance my feelings of feeling my age.
Now she just graduated college, so she’s been away before, she had her own apartment on campus for 4 years. This however just felt different. I’m sure we’ll see her often, the place is only a couple of miles from us. But it’s just something of her now being really out on her own, without even the safety net of school made it seem somewhat frightening.
My fear is not for her mind you. She’s a strong, super-intelligent young person who works hard and wants to succeed, she’s going to be fine.
It’s me. Think for some reason I’m going to miss her more. Typical empty nest syndrome, enabled through an empty room.
The child has left the nest. So we might as well sell the nest.
That’s not actually a big deal – we’ve been looking to downsize anyway. Not downsize the house, I’m talking about our bank account. Real Estate is in the shitter – we’re gonna lose a boatload of cash. I jest. We don’t really give a shit about that, we’re just sick of being homeowners in this overtaxed and overpriced market and figure that now’s the time to simplify a bit.
Plus, I hate taking care of the hedges, cleaning the pool, arguing with the neighbors, you know typical homeowner hobbies.
Kids out. House on the market. Job’s gone.
Got some options there, couple of possibilities. Have to consider the health insurance issues and all of those things once again very soon. Thinking of trying something this time on my terms, that’s with my wife and partner…our terms. We’ll see.
Her brother is also selling his house. He’s going to Florida. My sister is considering a transfer and move there as well. We’re down there all the time, friends and family there. Junior Miss lived with her Mom down there for her last three years of high school.
What happened to the life I recognized?
It’s amazing how everything can change so drastically in what seems like a very short time. You can’t over think it though. People generally hate change, it’s imbedded within us. It’s uncomfortable. We all react differently to it, some better than others certainly. But anyone who tells you they welcome change to their comfort zone is full of shit.
Change is inevitable. What is not is your reaction to it. You can fight it with every fiber of your being, or you can simply let it overtake you and give away a piece of your soul. Your choice, as it’s been for every other moment of your life.
Tonight’s moment for me was realizing change at the very second it occurred.
I’m old.
Occasionally I’m amazed that I’ve gotten here. More amazed however that I think I’ve finally got a handle on what I want and where I want to go. We’re all in this life, not of it, meaning it’s never to late to be what you might have been.
Always had a thought of what I would have liked to be. Going to try to get into that.