I’ve never been a big fan of Christmas decorations, outdoor lights, big inflatables on the lawn and all that shit that people think make the Holiday season just a little bit more merry. I’m merry all fucking year – I don’t need any twinkling lights to spark my mood. Besides, I’m a little like my hero Clark Griswold when it comes to that sort of thing – lots of electrical fires and the like.

However, having some extra time this year – I thought I’d partake in the tradition by spreading just a little of my merriment about the neighborhood.

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations.
The bad news is that I had to take them down after only 2 days.

I had more people come screaming up to my house than usual, which was also a bit more annoying because some came armed with blunt objects in addition to angry words. Actually it wasn’t really the angry neighbors, but eventually two other incidents made me take it down.

First, the local police advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as everyone almost wrecked their vehicles when they drove by. Damn police, but they were laughing too.

Then, a 60 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder and almost killed herself putting it against my house. Seems she didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the top, she was most unhappy.

By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that.

My front yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard skidding the tires across and screaming, crying, beeping the horn or dragging the ladder to help my mannequin from the storm gutter.

I guess not everyone is filled with the spirit of humor this holiday season….