HAIRCUT

HAIRCUT

SUNDAY, MARCH 21, 2010

HAIRCUT

Speaking frankly, I can sometimes be offensive. And for that, frankly, I’m sorry. I only mean to offend those that deserve it. I’ve had some issues in organizing my thoughts into a coherent article recently, so I thought I’d combine some highlights from three separate stories into one.  What follows is a frightening example of what’s usually going on inside my head.

You see, long ago I’d occasionally post an angry rant when I was in a bad mood. I haven’t been angry in quite a while, my new job has been great, yesterday we bought a new Lexus and the weather has been wonderful the last few days.  Matter of fact, last weekend we endured hurricane conditions from a strong nor’easter that ripped through Long Island.  This weekend it’s been like spring – actually late Spring in that it’s been sunny and in the 70’s.  So beautiful in fact we basically just sat outside on the deck and enjoyed it.

I’ve got shit to do – but sometimes, so what?

I need a haircut.

But I’ve been too busy lately to schedule one.  Maybe next week.  Don’t you hate hearing about how busy people say they are?  I know I do.  Shut the fuck up is usually what comes to mind when someone tells me they’re too busy to do something.  Things like getting a haircut, burying the evidence, or adding a new posting to their blog.

Guess you’re too damn important to take a few moments to share with us your thoughts and ideas, and your all too valuable opinions and theories.

People like that really should have wound up as dead swimmers in the jism sprayed on their mother’s tits.  I have no time for that shit.

Nope, you see I’ve been busy too – too busy to stop and think of anything at all compelling to tell y’all.  I could tell you about my hair, that’s pretty exciting.  It sort of looks ok after about a week past a haircut – and then I can deal with it for about two or three weeks.  Then one morning, usually in the fourth week, it all sort of just explodes.  It goes in all sorts of directions; long strands dart out with a mind of their own.  I look like shit again.  Then I sort of deal with it for a couple of weeks until I can’t take it anymore.  Then I worry about how I’m going to get that haircut within the next couple of days.  If I don’t, I’ll die from either embarrassment or anxiety over the way my hair is falling.

A local neighborhood has had a rash of incidents involving gangs of high school girls terrorizing neighborhood kids with random drunken beat downs.  It’s a bunch of white girls in suburbia.  Yes, the kids today can be pretty fucked up.  Makes me think about what I was thinking at that age.  I certainly wasn’t going around looking to beat people up – none of us did.  I worry that today kids are just too angry.  I think that much of this could be the scorn of divorce.

Divorce seems to really piss off the wife.  That could be one theory as to why there’s all these beat downs of innocent boys by angry girls recently.

You see as hard as it may be to believe, I’ve been through a divorce.  I know, as charming and good looking as I may be – someone actually once told me to fuck off and give her half of everything I’d earned, plus plan to earn.  Oh, and I had to get the hell out.   I’m still not sure as to what I did – I guess I spent too many hours at work providing for my family, so sorry.  Anyway, that’s irrelevant; bottom line is that my ex fell in with a crew of other divorcees who seemed to have developed this attitude of simply hating men, all men.  And they spread it to their kids – well, their daughters actually.  I recall with a shudder the feelings of hate tossed my way walking into one of her friend’s homes, girls and their moms who felt that they’d been wronged by a man.  I was evil that day, based solely on the fact that I had a penis.

I’m thinking that this might be something worth exploring when they bring these young girls in for their sudden violent outbursts against boys.  Could some of that aggression be spawned through a procession of brainwashing by women who hate men?

Divorce in most states comes with some rules and regulations.  You can do some things, but there’s a whole lot of shit you’re supposed to avoid.  Typically one of these things is speaking ill of your former partner.  Too often I worry, there’s an awful lot of ex wives out there talking smack about their ex husbands, and that hatred is spreading off onto the youngsters.  So they get pissed, drink a bottle of schnapps and go out and kick some ass.

Just a thought, and yes, I’m sure it goes both ways – there are plenty of asshole guys out there poisoning their children’s views as well.

I’m getting killed in my NCAA Tournament pool.  Too many upsets. I should have gotten that haircut before making my picks, this way then my thoughts would have been more focused on making a more educated guess in selecting the teams in my brackets.

Noticed an awful lot of protests lately – people holding signs and hollering about shit.  Then my wife informed me that we’ve been observing several national days of protest and that sort of explained things to me.  Then there’s the occasional shock to the system for which there is no explanation:

The disappointing thing is that in this country, the people that are rising up are generally the assholes and bigots.  So many sheep are being brainwashed to simply oppose whatever those in the opposite party propose, no matter what the cause or result in the greater good exhibits.  They don’t realize that they’re only pawns in a dangerous game no one can win.  They’re being rallied in a manner that allows them to exhibit their racist beliefs in the guise of protest.  It’s Klan recruitment without the explicit knowledge of those being dragged in, and it’s end result can’t be good.

The health care bill is up today – and sadly, many Republicans are going to vote against it simply based on trying to tow a party line.  What they ignore, is that this bill is heavy on free market insurance availability – by offering subsidies, the government is in effect guaranteeing additional revenue for private insurance companies and maintaining, and growing the free market enterprise that Republicans have been espousing for years.  This is miles away from the socialized medicine that they’ve been claiming this country is heading for.   That in itself is a shame.  The single payer system actually works in Canada and Europe, unlike the lobby-influenced Right would have you believe, but then again, what would I know – I’m just a Bonehead.

And I need a haircut.

See I tried to get my ideas sorted out and it just didn’t work.  But I found a worthwhile addition to one of my favorite annual endeavors – the listing of Chrissy’s top quotes every year.  I was enjoying the warm spring afternoon reclining on the patio furniture, wearing my favorite Samuel L. Jackson Kangol hat, dark glasses and black hoodie.

Chrissy approaches and say’s “Sorry to interrupt your black panther party.”

I thought I looked more like Damone from Fast Times At Ridgemont High but further inspection probably put me more as somewhere between the Unabomber and Malcolm X.

So she delivers me the Forest Gump reference and then let’s out the largest sneeze in the history of recorded medicine and proclaims; “Being human sucks, I wish I was Vulcan!”

Sometimes when you read the news – it’s hard to decide if those making it were ever meant to be human.

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