Giddy Mystery Cruise Update!

We’re in the homestretch!

Huh, so that’s what it feels like to write the opening sentence to a boring self-important mid-western-based family blog. Yup, feels so right that Betty and Little Tom are just doing great waiting anxiously their trip to Sea World!

Fuck that.

We’re getting ready to take our youngest daughter out on a booze-filled sojourn into the un-chartered Caribbean on board a floating vomitorium of excess, casinos and greed called the Celebrity Solstice. It’s going to rock the southeastern portion of the Atlantic Ocean.

It’s probably the last real family vacation we’ll be taking for a while as most indicators point towards all of us being swallowed by the sucking vortex that now is the faltering economy. So we figured that we’d be fiscally irresponsible and upgrade to some high-end suites and book exclusive private excursions with celebrities at each Island stop. Smart? No, but we tend to operate under the policy of “If it gets a laugh who cares what the fuck it costs!”

So we’ve gotten most everything together, I think I can recycle most of my “vacation” clothes and items. Maybe a new pair of sneakers and a shirt. Chrissy has of course been shopping for a few months – we have several lovely new dresses and “outfits” for her to wear, as well as new swimsuits, bags, shoes, sandals, hats, things to cover her butt, lotion, bug spray and much more! It’s been a shopper’s paradise no matter where she’s visited recently. Another policy Christine closely follows.

We’ve got to get on board the boat as early as possible, since the Giants divisional playoff game kicks off at 1pm on Sunday the 11th, the same day we depart. That’s pretty much all I’m thinking about. We upgraded in part to get my sorry ass on board the boat early so I can be at the sports bar cheering for Eli and crew. That will no doubt prove to be worth it!

The rest of the trip includes lots of sun, water, over-priced drinks, angry glares thrown my way and phallic shaped souvenirs.

But so long as I don’t miss a moment of the Giants playoff games, it’s all good to me.

We’re packing extra cameras in preparation for an awful lot of embarrassing and/or boring photos and videos of the cruise. We’ll no doubt post some of the ones we assume you might be able to tolerate without retching here at some as yet undetermined future date.

I’m off now to write my name in Sharpie in the waistband of my trunks.

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